Here's a little lighter post because my super fails have really been bumming my family out lately. I said last week that I needed a reset button and I think I found it.
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With all the recent Mr. Rogers exposure - I saw his documentary earlier this year, I plan to see the Tom Hanks version soon, and I read almost every article that mentions his name and his legacy - I've been putting together a fuller picture of the man who helped raise me in the 80s. It was all very nice and very expected, but then a line at the end of an interview with his wife hit me:
I'm sure I know people just as genuinely nice as him. *I* could be just as nice if I actually tried! I'm a kind person at my core, I already wear sweaters like his daily, but I could be capable of RADICAL kindness like my childhood hero.
My interpretation of radical kindness - the kindness of Mr. Rogers - is one that is kind with no agenda, no expectation for reciprocation, no need to do it, no recognition, and no insecurity of what people think of it, the only goal is to improve someone's day. Taking it a step further is to practice empathy for other people's situation and to genuinely never feel annoyed or angry, but only to feel the hurt and sadness and offer to be the light when they're in the dark.
So on December 1, I decided to start being radically kind and here are some of the things I'm doing differently. I'm sharing this, not to brag, but to inspire others to try to be radically kind, too:
- respond to teenage angst with patience, love, and lots of hugs
- write letters to friends who I appreciate, but who I rarely talk about mushy friend stuff with
- compliment strangers for their hair, shoes, clothes, whatever I can and they ALWAYS light up
- don't gossip, and if I hear people say bad things, I'll share something great about that person
- comment on social media instead of just liking or scrolling
- let cars in at merges, and general traffic politeness
- tip 25% or more when I'm out to eat
- say yes more rather than not doing something that would take a little more effort
- volunteer more (on my list to find a great place)
Radical kindness also needs boundaries. Sure, I'd love to hand out $100 bills to everyone I pass on the street, but that wouldn't be kind to myself and to my family to go broke before Christmas. Radical kindness is also not being a doormat, I can try to be a light, but also remove myself from people who are determined to stay dark. Radical kindness is also not lecturing people about their own shortcomings, just smiling and responding with positivity. Mr. Rogers never said the other side was bad, he only demonstrated what was good.
I know myself and I know my biggest obstacles already. My icons as a teen were dark, sardonic characters who chain smoke and don't care what you think. My icons in radical kindness are bright, optimistic people who respect themselves and exude love to everyone around them. That's a big personality shift I'm planning to make. I'm very cussy and I'm a little snarky, so repressing those urges will be a challenge, but I'm working on it by getting back into mindfulness meditation, and by forgiving myself in advance, and know I'll fail and have bad days, but that I can get back to it again anytime!
--
With all the recent Mr. Rogers exposure - I saw his documentary earlier this year, I plan to see the Tom Hanks version soon, and I read almost every article that mentions his name and his legacy - I've been putting together a fuller picture of the man who helped raise me in the 80s. It was all very nice and very expected, but then a line at the end of an interview with his wife hit me:
“He’s out there now as somebody who’s somehow way above all the rest of us,” she said. “People invariably say, ‘Well, I can’t do that, but I sure do admire him. I would love to do it.’ Well, you can do it. I’m convinced there are lots of Fred Rogerses out there.”
My interpretation of radical kindness - the kindness of Mr. Rogers - is one that is kind with no agenda, no expectation for reciprocation, no need to do it, no recognition, and no insecurity of what people think of it, the only goal is to improve someone's day. Taking it a step further is to practice empathy for other people's situation and to genuinely never feel annoyed or angry, but only to feel the hurt and sadness and offer to be the light when they're in the dark.
So on December 1, I decided to start being radically kind and here are some of the things I'm doing differently. I'm sharing this, not to brag, but to inspire others to try to be radically kind, too:
- respond to teenage angst with patience, love, and lots of hugs
- write letters to friends who I appreciate, but who I rarely talk about mushy friend stuff with
- compliment strangers for their hair, shoes, clothes, whatever I can and they ALWAYS light up
- don't gossip, and if I hear people say bad things, I'll share something great about that person
- comment on social media instead of just liking or scrolling
- let cars in at merges, and general traffic politeness
- tip 25% or more when I'm out to eat
- say yes more rather than not doing something that would take a little more effort
- volunteer more (on my list to find a great place)
Radical kindness also needs boundaries. Sure, I'd love to hand out $100 bills to everyone I pass on the street, but that wouldn't be kind to myself and to my family to go broke before Christmas. Radical kindness is also not being a doormat, I can try to be a light, but also remove myself from people who are determined to stay dark. Radical kindness is also not lecturing people about their own shortcomings, just smiling and responding with positivity. Mr. Rogers never said the other side was bad, he only demonstrated what was good.
I know myself and I know my biggest obstacles already. My icons as a teen were dark, sardonic characters who chain smoke and don't care what you think. My icons in radical kindness are bright, optimistic people who respect themselves and exude love to everyone around them. That's a big personality shift I'm planning to make. I'm very cussy and I'm a little snarky, so repressing those urges will be a challenge, but I'm working on it by getting back into mindfulness meditation, and by forgiving myself in advance, and know I'll fail and have bad days, but that I can get back to it again anytime!
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